…nouthetic, Christian care after an affair.

I see a ton of circumstantial evidence pointing to an EA at least, including tears, jealousy, etc. I wish she would realize that confessing to having a physical affair, or even only an emotional one, would be all that it takes for me to process the ordeal and then carry on. Not getting this confession, with all the evidence I see, is what hurts most and prevents me from moving on. It is not unrealistic at all.


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Watch how couples come together and fall apart. For example — if you are engaged to a person who carries on with someone else — NOW is the time to reconsider your plan to commit to a marriage. But we live to please God, not ourselves. My point is simple: They promise or commit, to this activity. This is what distinguishes marriage from everything else: The fact that it is unspoken means that in all reality, the only person who can know if they truly are committed is the one thinking the thought.

Now quite often both partners tend to agree to this arrangement — as an assumption, but this is no guarantee that it holds true in any specific situation. You can only know the truth if it is expressed to you intentionally. All that it proves is that YOU have that expectation — and it implies that your reaction to your expectation being broken may result in behavior that your ex-wife does not like.

She will do what she can to avoid that behavior. No one is asking you to sit down and draw out ALL the details such an expectation is unrealistic — given that you are not omniscient — but some details are better discussed than assumed. You are working under an assumption that you then attribute to another person. Is it that you would rather play games: What is the payoff for not engaging in a simple conversation? You are not married.

If you do not like the manner in which she behaves — why are you pursuing a relationship with her? What if there never was one? You are not married: How would you ever know if she tells the truth? If you already know ALL the facts: Gut instinct, phone detail records and well, why not try to follow them sometime from work. HI everyone, I am feeling so bad for a very long time in my marriage. My parents bought a wonderful house for us after we got married for more than 7 yrs. He had drinking problems before, he promised me after we have our own house, he will change.

My heart is broken, I feel so sad, so sad. Honey he needs to be kicked. Your parents bought the house so kick him out and move on. My husband will be kicked out soon too so I understand the situation you are in. As soon as my ducks are lined up he is out. Be more selective next time dear. I wish you the best of luck. He works full time mad very hard.

Can some figure out if he is just tired from work or if there is someone else is his life. We can have a hyperlink change contract among us. What do you think of this? Did you ever think that perhaps she just had a desire to feel sexy while you were gone? What should I do he told me he needed space… that he had hatred because we caused alot of harm to each other. I told him to get out of the house and he says his not leaving. Okay so last night he says he found someone to fill the office spot at his office.

Really I ask who? He says one of my customers. So naturally I ask out of all your customers why is this the one? He says because she is my friend….. He has a lot of women on there, I found a message stating he thought this person was absolutely beautiful and she is sexy. When I confronted him he stated that they talk to each other that way all the time and will block her. He told me she was married, like dulls the blow. I think I know my answer on what I need to do but would like to hear opinions.

Came across this by accident. Let me just emphasise cheaters are dishonest. Dishonesty leads one to misery. And the idiot who is in love with the man or women who are cheating should know that the one who is cheating will cheat on them too. Also cheating can lead to transmission of sexual diseases. Tamara, he is certainly not being honest with you, telling you that she is married is straight up mid information and he is trying to throw the scent off.

I have been married for 15 years. My wife has always claimed that our marriage broke on our wedding day. Though I have always taken this in jest, in the last two years things have deteriorated to the extent that she has stopped being affectionate. In the last five months I have persevered having a wife who will not show any affection apart from when we went on holiday in December when she agreed to make love to me. However, come January, the same story was back that the marriage is in a state of disrepair and she has no feelings.

Indeed she prefers out but for the sake of our son who is a candidate, she would like things remain as they are so that the children do not get their lives disrupted. On the issue of children, I agree with her position but I have big problem continuing in a relation that is chewing into my peace. This has particularly gotten me concerned given that she has now taken to coming to work at home up to very late. When she is up to late, she is permanently on phone and texting to people that she claims she is working on their project.

12 Subtle Signs You’ve Got a Cheating Spouse

I have raised the issue of the phone and though she has avoided using the phone, I am sure she still able to chat through other means. In fact, I have noticed that she texts some messages even just before we go to bed which at times is as late as past mid-night. I have no evidence of her cheating but all signs of a potential situation in the making are glaringly clear. I have also noticed in the last two months she has been very affectionate to a married personality that I know and when I ask, the answer I get is that he is just a good friend.

I can not accuse her of infidelity but this friendship is making me very uncomfortable. Can there be just friendship or am I just refusing to smell the coffee? Ruilicks, I hate to say this but she is seeing someone and you are allowing it to happen because she has you convinced that you and her should stay together for the child.

She is getting her fulfillment with someone else while you are at home alone and unhappy. Instead of letting her walk all over you in the sake of your child you need to man up and tell her you need to live a happy life and file for divorce. No one deserves to live in a loveless relationship and she is staying out late, talking to another man or woman and just buying time until she is able to move on after the child grows up.

So basically, if I get this right, she and you are just together for the child, let me ask you this.. Then she will leave you and you will have no one and all the time you spent sitting around waiting for something to happen will be time lost from your own personal life and happiness. So now show her how it feels and move on. My husband of 14 yrs cheated on me with my best friend before and after we married. When I asked my friend 4 years ago to be completely honest about all that had happened between them, that I wanted the full truth, she basically told me to have a nice life and has never contacted me again.

I caught them on 3 different occasions and so I already knew but had happened and had hoped she at least could be honest with me…but NO! Guess what his sneaky ways are back. His workouts last about 45 minutes and its a 5 minute drive from the gym to his work. Is it just me or does something just not add up there.

What is your opinion about my friends reaction and to his recent activities???? Your husband seems to be doing what he wants and when he wants. If you have told him how uncomfortable you feel in regard to his time and activities, you and him should speak to one another and communicate.

It sounds as if there is no communication between the both of you. If you know that he has already had an affair , why do you continue to allow him to do what he wants? You and him should sit down and speak with one another and you should tell him how you feel and tell him that if he is or plans to be unfaithful, then you and him should part ways. No one deserves to be treated like a third wheel and if that is the lifestyle he chooses then you should go and find someone that will honor your wishes and vows.

If you feel that he is set in his ways and you have tried everything you can to save your marriage then it is time to move on. There is NO need to live in a home with no love and affection. More like ask myself why I married him… I caught him before we got married why the hell was I so blind… Ugh. Never ever getting married again… And trust me as soon as I find a job and get my pooh together his ass is out of my house.

Last straw was today found dried ejaculate in his underwear…. My husband has porn sites that keep showing up all the time in his cell phone browsing history and they are most of the time different from the last ones I find. Is it even possible to have things like that pop up randomly in your browsing history on a cell phone?

To me the lie is worse than the act. Please add these to your next edition. You call the cheater and they fail to answer their cell phone. One thing that I have learned is this. When You call your spouse and they fail to answer the phone, only to call you back in a few moments, that means that they are either with someone or at a place that you WOULD NOT approve of.

You call your spouse and she claims to be at the mall with a female friend, but the background sounds more like a quiet room. You call your spouse and she claims to be at the library studying or doing research, but the background sounds like a restaurant or mall. The cheater seems angry or irritated at unexpected changes in the schedule of the innocent spouse.

Cheaters have three schedules to work with. They learn and know your routine better than YOU! They know when they can see the other person and for how long. They want to plan out their rendezvous as efficiently as possible. The day before your off days, and the day after your off days are crucial to catching them. If she is reluctant, upset or acts like she had plans…….. Do the same for Monday on occasion.

13 Hidden Ways to Know If Your Partner Is Cheating

NEVER tell your spouse too early that you plan to come home or take a day off. When you come home early unannounced or tell them about taking time off as late as passible, they cannot hide or mask their true emotions. You will see them! Pay close attention to the passenger seat. Watch everything she moves around once inside the car. Does she remove something from the visor or console and place it somewhere else? The other person may be a co-worker.

That means she plans to eat out for lunch. There is nothing wrong with that, we all do that. But when the behavior is secretive and lacks transparency…something is wrong. Your spouse comes home and has to do the laundry of everything they wore that day. Even though there is no accumulation of dirty laundry on hand, they will still wash those items. And of course……as soon as the laundry begins, they head straight to the shower. Begin to watch your spouse in the mornings and when you return home later that day.

Did they change their hair? If they do kiss and embrace do they smell like they just recently showered and brushed their teeth? Sex decreases or stops all together. They roll over as far as possible and sleep on their side of the bed. They get up and spend part of the night on the couch. They once slept partially or fully nude, but now they are clothed from head to toe. The sex is different. They believe they are too smart for you to catch them.

She eats off your table, sleeps in your bed, drives a car that you provided, enjoys a nice home, and………….. She knows that the day she comes clean, her gravy train is over. She knows how you feel about adultery. Why would she risk everything by telling you? The moment she knows…that you know…. Plan your exit strategy and execute it. There is someone else who will love you and allow you to love them. Cheaters are as systematic as bank robbers. They plan their rendezvous and cover all bases. If your spouse is cheating, she knows at some point she has to make a choice.

If she chooses you, the chiasm will be there until she comes clean. If she comes clean, she risks you leaving. She will want money, support and possibly the house. She will make sure that everything is in order before she makes a move. She will open credit card and independent bank accounts. She may increase her work hours to save and store money. She may decrease her work to get more money from you in the divorce. She may suddenly want to sale items or assets.

Whatever she does, she will not just get up one morning out of the blue and tell you that she wants a divorce. She had that day in planning for at least six months to a year! Because they want their cake and ice cream in their selfish mouth at the same time. Must they lie, cheat, steal and betray the innocent spouse in such a cruel way, and then afterward rape them financially during the divorce? It gave me the opportunity to release my frustration and pain. Hopefully some of the personal things that I have shared will help others who have experienced the ultimate betrayal.

This is my first time on this site and realized my husband is doing everything it mebtions in the beginning. God bless, I hope you find a wonder woman that loves you as you do her.


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I just confronted my bf of 14 yrs after discovering his cheating on facebook. He was dumb enough to give me his password. I honestly don feel out of control and consumed with rage mainly I feel calm but get small pangs of anger when I think about it. Maybe I feel numb because our relationship has been unhappy for last 6 months or so and I have tried to emotionally detach myself because of our arguing in this time. I only found out he was cheating last night. At the moment he is holed up in his room we have seperate rooms and trying to pretend he is asleep but I know he will be frantically trying to think up a story to get himself out of it.

What a foolish lady. How can I ever trust him again? Just another sad statistic is what our relationship has become. Being a loyal dog for 14 yrs got me cheated on! My wife found a past friend on facebook. They started talking and texting each other. She always deleted the txt messages and cleared the phone logs. Later on she told me she was going to his work place to get some gift certificates for a gift basket. She still says that is the only time they have met.

Then I would ask her if she had contacted him since I asked her not to. She said she was just making a comment. She said they still had only met that one time. She then said that was the last time she had heard from him, and he never responded to the e-mail. But she had said that before. Also everytime we hear about people cheating on their spouse and getting someone pregnant she says, she is not going to judge them, people make mistakes.

The science of forecasting infidelity

I just want to know for sure, but everytime I ask her she denies it. Also I think they realy did stop speaking to each other. I get depressed about it, and my wife says she is sorry I feel that way, but she never cheated on me. Any advise would be great. Chad, this is what cheaters do. Then they try and make you out like your overly suspicious and controlling leaving you feel guilty. Facebook is known now to ruin many relationships and marriages. I could be wrong but it seems as you drove her underground or deeper down because she knows now your radar is on and you are focusing in on her moves.

If she is willing to come fwd and be honest and up front then you have nothing to worry about. You could monitor what she does electronically or you could have a PI follow her, schedule a trip out of town and have your PI on the job and see what happens. I would advise though that following your spouse or significant other can lead to disastrous consequences.

You can put a VAR Variable Audio Recorder in places that she is known to frequent and then listen for things out fo the ordinary. However, if you begin to hear her with someone else. Do not listen to it have a friend or someone you trust listen to it and tell you what is on it. Listening to something like that will eat you alive. Thanks for the advice, however I do not believe anything is going on anymore if it ever was. The guy she was talking and texting to has moved out of town and is no longer replying to her e-mails. She has agreed to take a lie detector test, should I peruse that or does her agreeing to submit to one mean it may have all been just a friendship.

Stop lying to yourself and making it so easy for her. She offered to do it as an empty gesture to get you off her back. It shows how little she actually thinks of you. Please treat yourself better than she treated you and ask her to take the test.

13 Hidden Ways to Know If Your Partner Is Cheating | HuffPost

The signs are true. I remembered how my wife acted suspiciously around me. She slept with a younger man. I found out by dumb luck and she denied it to my face repeatedly. She planned to leave abruptly, blaming me for many things and basically labeling me as unworthy of her. Told her family and friends we were splitting because of all of my shortcomings, which she never communicated to me by the way, taking no responsibility for anything herself.

She was still talking with the other man, planning on what they would do once she was finally free to do so. All the while maintaining that she loved me and implying if worked hard enough there was a chance I could earn her back. I was willing to forgive and keep trying if only she would admit it, proving she was remorseful.

She continued to profess her love for me but also continued lying to me with a straight face and also continued talking to the other man. She reluctantly admits to it and asks for a chance to regain my trust. That makes me worry more. I do want to give her a chance. I worry if she is a well hidden narcissistic sociopath, just really really naive or really really dumb.

And if it even matters which of those it is. It is possible she just got caught up in her own web of lies she weaved to save face infront if her family and friends, which is not as horrible. Can a couple actually get past something like this? Anyone out there even know of someone who has managed to rebuild a real relationship after not just the cheating but ongoing lies to the face? Financially, mentally and emotionally stable. Someone she can cling to and get the good life given to her on a platter. But my head could be making that up.

Should I make her my backup plan and accept one of the many standing invitations I have denied until this point? Is it possible to trust someone like thisagain. I can almost guarantee she has done this before. I would not be surprised if her parents are in on the game plan. I have found that this type of behavior runs in the family. Stop reading and start packing! They will clean you out. I lost 2 kids and by the time all is done almost a million dollars.

You will only regret more. There are millions of much more worthy, honest and loyal women out there. How about giving one of them a chance? What have you got to lose? Just a worthless, cheating, freeloading pile of crap. Not a bad thing to lose at all.

I feel for you but trust me, even living alone the rest of your life is better than letting someone like this suck your life away. He told me a couple of months ago that she was someone he worked for out of college and that he was moving here. She reconnected with him on LinkdIn, supposedly. He also let me know that she was a former stripper. I checked his phone the other night and saw a lot of calls that were exchanged between them at all hours.

I asked him, point blank, what was going on. He said that he saw an opportunity to help her out, temporarily, until she found a job. So, he got his company to hire her for a month to do tasks around the office. He says he was afraid to tell me because I had reacted irrationally to him going to dinner with her the night she got into town. He has lost 20lbs. He tells me there is nothing going on and that she is 10yrs older. He said although men are attracted to her, he is not. He says he sees her as a big sister.

I am not sure what to think. He takes hours to answer my texts and he rarely answers or returns my phone calls. We have been fighting a lot over this situation. He is there alone. The writing is on the wall. The question you have to ask yourself is are you going to allow someone to treat you like a used tissue or not. I have a gut feeling my wife had an affair in the past. I was taking care of two young girls at the time it happened and was affraid to look into it like I should. After that I realized that maybe her several hour shopping trips were more than that. There were also other signs, but nothing that told me she was definitely having an affair.

Is there any way to determine if your wife was having an affair in the past. Jon, the first thing I would do is communicate with your wife and see if there is any chance of you and her having an open and honest conversation. Tell her how you feel and let her know that you have these mixed feelings about her activity. Then, if you and her cannot come to any conclusion , I would then move to another phase and monitor her either in the car or at the house. If she has a mobile smart phone you can install something like mspy or flexispy and track her locations and also listen in and record her in her natural surroundings.

Though I would choose to do the tracking james bond stuff after all else fails. Always and I mean always try to engage your significant other and see what is going with them mentally and then you can begin to make informed decisions about how you wish to proceed. Also, some woman will out of desire to attract attention to themselves through such a disastrous issue will admit to an affair even if they never had one just to get you to pay attention to them. Men do the same thing. My husband have been doing things too wierd to me just after our wedding. Could it be that he is cheating on me?

His behavour, his coming home, his call making,his late out going and many things about him has change and am afraid something bad is going on behind my back. My wife has been acting weird for about a week. She is moody and absentminded.

6 Signs Your Spouse Is Having An Affair

She refused to tell me anything. On coincidence she quit her schooling on that same day. What she tells me is just not adding up. She keeps assuring me that she loves me, but for some reason, I think she is doing that to keep me at bay. Women love attention that anybody. Dont play yourself, she is cheating.

If she is not hitting a lot of those wickets on this page then I firmly believe she maybe experiencing deeper issues. Remember woman are so much different from men. Men are problem solvers, and woman just want to talk about problems but nine times out of ten dont want them solved they just want you to listen and support their emptional needs.

I truely think your wife is in desperate need of your support and her attending therapy because she sounds clincally depressed. For some reason she maybe scared to tell you her true feelings out of fear of rejection and getting worse. So look at what she is exhibiting to you: Woman also have a major decrease in libido when they become depressed and hate them selves for things that were not their fault at all.

Sounds rediculous I know but this is a different mind than a mans that is driven by a larger amount of hormones we are not typically producing. So unless she sees a professional their is nothing you can do to fix this emotional and hormonal imbalance she is having. I have been cheated on in the worse way and my ex had all the signs.

Your wife is just showing signs she needs help, love, and your support. Try it might work. After all the lying, denying, sneaking and hiding….. Why is it that cheaters must be so cruel and heartless?

How does this work?

I suspect that my of 15 years is having an affair. After sharing my concerns about her behavioral patterns without outright accusing her , the anomalies simmer down for a while and then increase again. My wife knows how I feel about adultery. She has nothing to gain and everything to lose by coming clean. If I could leave tonight, I would, but there much planning that needs to take place. Although our expenses require both of our incomes at this time, as I began talking to my wife about my concerns regarding her behavior………she went in to her employer and worked out a schedule adjustment, cutting her back to part-time hours.

Either way, I lose! If it turns out that my wife is unfaithful, I will divorce her and move on. My marriage of 16 years with three boys aged 15,9 and 2. I t was a happy marriage with my husband treating me like a queen always. But my company had to transfer me to another town km away which meant to reside there. Unfortunately I noticed that when I come home my husband always come late in the night around 11 and 12 midnight. When I am not around 1 or 2 a. I confronted him about this but could always he was out with some friends.

Mind you he does not drink. One time I followed him to find out where and who is this lady because I knew a woman was involved guess what I found them our car packed at a certain house and I went and knocked and they opened for me. The rest is history but after that I told my husband why is he doing this and I even proposed that I am going out of the house and he refused and said he was to change. But my situation is worse now he wont eat my food he seem confused and every night he goes to the woman and come back after three to four hours, and he continues to say he loves me.

I love this man honestly but this heartless behavior is killing me. Nowadays he hardly calls, sometimes if I call he wont answer and later says he had left the phone in the car. My husband of 30 years spends all of his time down in the basement. You cant walk down there. There are field mice, dust and clutter for 23 years. He has a iPhone that he can check his email.

He is so secretive and leaves me with no money and stasthes all the cash in the basement. I have no clue who my husband is. For a long time I was always sick and vomiting. My friend mentioned that I may be poisoned. I have no family to run to or money to get a divorce. He made my meals cause I couldnt stand. But I rather not eat than have him prep the meals. You should contact someone who can help you in your area. I was thinking about getting a hold of you on my through, but this is my first time down here so… Other Woman: Then he basically asked for clarification on where she lives.

I tried talking to him about how much his lack of affection bothers me and how it makes me feel, and he seems receptive, but nothing changes — in fact it just keeps getting worse. A little something from Vicky's Secret just for you? Funny, he's always claimed that lingerie doesn't do much for him. His affair has reawakened his libido and, ironically, he'd like it to do the same for you.

You smile at the waiter, and he goes off. He knows you're a friendly sort -- didn't he always love that about you? Now that he's having an affair, he knows it's not so far-fetched that you might, too. She's on an affair-fueled, guilt-mitigating mission to casually justify extramarital attractions. You sadly report your best friend's husband is cheating. Instead of sharing your dismay, he becomes defensive. Plot lines that would have formerly piqued her interest now make her visibly uncomfortable.

If there's an affair involved, know you won't be seeing it together. Many folks experience atypical bouts of depression and anxiety as the guilt of the affair -- and the stress of keeping such a huge secret -- take a visible toll. Symptoms may include insomnia, disinterest in eating or an unshakeable blue mood. While this is thoughtful, I am wondering if something led you to start doing this? These are the 8 marriage myths you can safely ignore. Nicole sat down to her family computer and up popped a big surprise: They congratulate each other on the birth of a new baby or a cool vacation photo.

There could be incriminating photos, texts, or a call history that would prove to be evidence of an affair. Here are tips for staying connected with your partner when you have to be apart. First, if they appear to dive into a hobby out of the blue, rather than talking about the hobby a lot or easing slowly into it. And second, if they devote an unusual amount of hours or efforts to it. One way to gauge the truth is to tell your partner that you support his hobby and it would be nice to follow along on their progress. Then, think about how a person who really is devoted to running would respond.